So drunk, too bad you don't want this
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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