i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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