i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
