I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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