Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize
