Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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