I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
