i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
