you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
