i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
