youre lurking in front of me
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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