my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
