I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
MIDGETS
????
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
