Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
He told me they were just razor bumps!
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
