What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
