I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
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