I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
