I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
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