sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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