Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
