Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
