mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
