and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
