I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
How's work?
Spinning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
