I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
