Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
