I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
