I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
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