Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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