I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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