I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Last time i carry you out of a forest
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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