I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
