Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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