I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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