Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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