Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
