Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize