Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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