I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
