Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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