1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize