so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
