I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will be naked everywhere
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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