I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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