Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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