Please, let me fuck your mom
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You dont lie about slip and slides
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
