I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
