at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
