Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
