hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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