you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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