If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
