i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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