I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
