# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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