I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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