im drinking this country out of the recession.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She even gives head with a lisp.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
