I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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