I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
