If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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