My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
3 2 1 whiskey
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
