I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
COCAINE IS GR8
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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