The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
