you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
