Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
