so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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