DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
