who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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