I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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