Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
