Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
