I wanna bring you to show and tell
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I think people are normalizing furries
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
