It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize