This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
